Denise

insomnia. 


blech.


i'm pissed.


and i'm beginning to think that this relationship is not worth it anymore. billy doesn't know how to nuture a woman. i don't care how many times he reassures me. 

because he is a naturally distant person, i find myself lonely....

and that makes me feel like shit.




wow... never said that before... i guess i didn't want to fess up to it. and it's not like the subject hasn't been brought up before.

i don't know....

i'm not happy, though.

it pisses me off.

and i can't sleep.


that makes it worse.

i hate this. arguing sucks..... i hate conflict.... and i hate how he is mad at me..... 

i understand why he is upset but it's just how i felt.

i feel misunderstood. i feel wrong. but i feel justified at the same time.


and it's like.... i don't think i have cared for someone this much before.... and....


things might be better once we both cool down, but....

my heart hurts so much.

so much.

my heart is breaking......... why didn't i think before bringing something like this up?


stupid!


but then again..... i wanted him to know how i felt.

mom says if he breaks up with me over stupid shit like this, then he isn't worth it.



god, it hurts.


i just want it to be over with.

Rules:
• post 5 weird/random stuff about yourself.
• at the end, list the names of 5 people who you want next to do this.

1. I love AND hate my job at the same time.
2. I want at least three degrees when I get out of college.
3. My feet hurt really badly.
4. I haven't been on LJ in forever.... but it's kinda nice. :)
5. I long for true happiness.

well.... whoever wants to do it next can do it! 

something has been brought to my attention, and i am NOT happy. and for once in a very long time, the sweet, subservient, and happy denise has some shit to say.

it turns out that my ex-boyfriend, despite the fact that we broke up EIGHT MONTHS AGO, likes to read through my journal entries without my consent. bro, we’re OVER. and what would your girlfriend think if she knew you were all up in my business?

that’s not the worst part, oh no. on TOP of reading my shit without my consent, he’s been using the fucking info he reads to talk shit about my sister. he NEVER asked if it was true, just went and told his friends and discredited her in front of her whole church.

i’ve had enough of you messing with my family. this is not the first time. i SHOULD make a show and expose you, just like you did to my sister. i know the real you. sad, but true. and i haven’t forgotten any of the things you’ve said to me, either. maybe i should go and tell your friends all of the shit you’ve said about THEM so you know what it feels like to have your secrets exposed. even the things YOU probably don’t remember... yup... i should. but you know what? I’m not going to. I’m not going to stoop down to your level and do that. all i want is for you to be out of my life. i don’t want you near my fucking family, either. watch what happens if you do.

and knowing you, you’re probably going to cower behind all of your friends and make them promise not to say that you’ve been talking shit. you’re not even man enough to apologize. but you know what? i don’t want an apology from you. don’t call me. don’t email me. don’t leave a comment. i don’t want to hear from you. you’ve done enough damage to fix it now.

that’s all i have to say.

and for all of the people i have invited to share my life with, i’m sorry that one person had to ruin it for you. THIS IS FRIENDS-ONLY BITCH. and i should have done this a long ass time ago.